Psycho the Kitten
by VixenMage
Summary: Ok in this fic Cuddy & Wilson see that House is depressed, so they get him a kitten. That's about it right now, but eventually you might see an implied HouseCameron. Please r&r!
1. Chapter 1

**Psycho the Kitten**

_A/N: This is a story about a new kitten that House ends up with. How did it get there? Cuddy decided House needed a pet. What will he do? R&R to find out! (I know there's already a story about House getting a kitten, but this one will be better! ;D)_

_PS: DO NOT FOLLOW EXAMPLE! Buying an animal for someone is a very bad idea. You should always, always, talk to them first, or preferably, go with them to buy it. Thank you._

House looked impatiently at the clock on the wall. Just five… more… seconds… Yes! Like a child racing home after the bell, he turned on his heel and fled the building. Or, at least, he almost did.

"GREG!" _Oh, boy, here we go, another scolding._ "How many hours of clinic duty were you assigned this week?"

"Oh, that! I didn't get the memo saying that that particular duty was mandatory, are you sure you – "

"Actually, you tried that one last year, and I sent you a memo one week later. You're slipping, Greg. Check and Mate."

House sighed. He really was slipping, last month he would've remembered to slip out the back exit to escape Cuddy. "Ok, Dr. Cuddy, you win. I'll do double tomorrow."

"Oh no you won't. You have accumulated exactly 16 hours of clinic duty, and wouldn't you know? That takes up your entire day tomorrow. I guess it's a good thing you don't have any important cases, right?" She grinned demonically before stalking off to her office, satisfied that she had gotten the last word this time–wait! House never let her get the last word! There was something wrong, that was certain.

"I'm worried about him, too. He just hasn't been himself lately. He didn't even comment when a clinic patient told him that he had testicular cancer yesterday." Cuddy looked up to see Wilson standing there, in her doorway.

"I know. Hey, Dr Wilson, look at this site." He walked over to her computer to see the site."

**Pet Therapy**

_Feeling down? Not up to your usual standards? Just can't get that extra snap back in your life? Studies show that the perfect way to cure these slumps can be an animal in your life. Before adopting a pet, make sure that you are able to take care of it, and also that you don't have any allergies. These drawbacks might make life miserable for both you, and your new animal. Thank you for being responsible._

"That's way below the belt, Lisa. But then again… NO! No, that's too far."

"Since when does that ever stop him? It's only fair that we're allowed to sink to his level once in a while, right?"

_Early next Tuesday morning…_

"Sssh!"

"I feel like I'm back in high-school! Seriously, since when does a certified doctor pull this kind of stunt?"

"Since he needs it, and we both know it. Now come on, let's get out of here before he wakes up!"

"Ok, I planted the note. It's in typeface, so don't worry about the handwriting issue. Now let's go!"

The two sneaked away silently (well, almost) and went to the hospital, both waiting for their cranky friend to realize something was amiss. They didn't have a long wait.

"I'll get it." Cameron picked up the phone in House's office, hoping it wasn't him. "Hello, un-diagnosable cases office, New Jersey state Hospital, Dr Cameron speaking."

"Cameron, what the hell are you doing in my office?"

_Damn! I thought he would be on his way to work by now! Since when does he carry a cellphone? _

"Just dropping off a case file, House, don't overreact. What do you want, anyway? You're twenty minutes late; Cuddy is going to have a fit."

"Duh! Some moron put–" _I can't tell her what it is! She'll never let me hear the end of it! _"Well, they messed up my car. I'll be stuck here at least until lunchtime."

_Yeah, right! I bet this has to do with the sixteen hours of clinic time he got yesterday. _"Ok, but I bet you a million Cuddy isn't going to let you off the hook on–" She stopped. House had hung up after Ok. _Alrighty then. Just got to go explain to Cuddy why House isn't here, and then I got some free time._

_Please R&R, and I promise another chapter will soon be on its way. ;D_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_A/N: Thank you reviewers: sonicTU, trilyluv, & lovewildfire._

Cuddy barely kept a grin off of her face as Cameron came in to tell her that House would be late. She managed to say something, though, as it would've looked suspicious if she didn't. "Oh, really. That's interesting. You did in…" she cut herself off, pretending to look at her computer, and almost bit her tongue right through in the process. "Um, yes. I assume you informed him that he will still be making up the clinic hours?"

"Sorry about that, Dr Cuddy. He hung up before I had the chance; you know how he is."

"Um… yeah… you can go now, thanks." Dr Lisa Cuddy, PHD, head of a major hospital, was laughing over a prank played on a friend. No one at the hospital would believe it… except House. _That's gonna be a problem, keeping a straight face around House. Wilson will never forgive me if I blow it._

_Meanwhile, at a certain doctor's house…_

"When I found out whoever did this, they will pay with their LIVES!" He just couldn't seem to stop shouting. Finally, after a short phone call with Cameron (_At least I cut her off before she tried to make small talk or something_) he looked down at the little thing on his kitchen floor. "So, what are you supposed to do, anyway, besides transform me into a raging psychopath?" The little ball of fur just stared up at him with those emerald green eyes, staring out of a black mask. Other than that, two white stockings, and the black tip of its tail, the kitten was orange and white. _That's a cool name, psychopath… or not; it's too long. Wait, no, I'm not going to name it! It's going home tonight! _"I should take you right to the animal shelter. Um… where **is** the animal shelter?" Once again, the small kitten just looked up at him adorably. _No! It is NOT adorable! I don't like it! It's a trick! This is not going to happen to me! _

And so, after much self-debate over what in the world he was supposed to do with a baby kitten, he went to the fridge for another bowl of milk… or half & half, seeing as he was out of milk. This was going to be a very weird day, he could already tell.

_10:00 that day:_

"Come on, you little psycho. I'm bringing you to the animal shelter." The doctor reached down to pick up the little ball of fuzz… and it leaped out of his outstretched arms, giving him about four red lines on both arms in the process. "Ouch! You Psychopathic little monster!"

The kitten leaped onto the piano, teetering precariously on the far edge, out of House's reach. As he tiptoed towards it, the little thing fell backwards off of its perch, twisting to land on his (while Psycho was preoccupied with the milk, House had snatched him up and checked) feet. Immediately, the cat raced around the room, finally landing under House's dresser, where the doctor (unsuccessfully) tried to extract him with the cane. "You really are a little psycho, you… cat." Gregory House, Head doctor of a specialist board, had finally met an organism that had succeeded in stumping him: a six-week-old kitten. "I don't know what I'm going to do with you. How am I supposed to bring you back if you obviously won't move?" 

That having been said, he went to the fridge, and got out half of a can of tuna. After checking online, he mixed in a little cream, and mashed them together in a saucer, which he left about eight feet from the dresser. Then, he sat down to watch. By now, it was about 9 PM, and House needed to play his piano, even if it meant giving up his vigil temporarily.

He decided on one of his favorites tonight: Edge of Eternity by Stevie Wonder. That would definitely calm him down about this whole 'unwanted animal' business. As he played the second stanza, he looked down at the dresser. The psycho-cat was sitting there, staring at the piano, mesmerized by the music. Cautiously, House reached down towards him, careful of not stopping his fingers in their dance across the keys.

It was way too late by the time he realized that he couldn't reach all the way to the floor without falling… Psycho darted back to safety under the dresser just in time. "You are such a… You little…" He was unable to find a word evil enough for the little feline. "I think I can get you to the shelter tomorrow; it's too late now anyway." He sighed, and went off to his bedroom tiredly. Finally, he collapsed onto his bed, dead tired.

That morning… 

House woke up with a start. He felt a warm mass cuddled next to him, and decided to open his eyes slowly, as he didn't want to suddenly realize that he was on the floor, like that last time when he fell asleep watching some movie… what was it, _The Quiet Man_? Oh, yeah. Well, this was it… He was in bed, and some kitten was curled up against his neck. Then the events of the other day came rushing back into his memory. He picked up the little animal, which this time didn't cause a fuss.

"Ok, little Psycho, we're going to…" _I can't miss another day of work! Cuddy'll kill me! _"Wow. This is going to be tough."

He looked at the kitten. "Come on, little guy. Going to the shelter will have to wait." Glancing at the clock, he suddenly realized that he only had 45 minutes to get to work. Within half an hour, he had showered and dressed, and his lunch was packed. Not sure what to leave for Psycho, he looked at the saucer. It was empty; the little guy must've waited for him to sleep before coming out from under the dresser.

For some reason, the little ball of fuzz didn't come running when he poured the last can of tuna into a bowl. _Oh well, at least he'll have something today while I'm gone._ Picking up his medical bag, he walked out to the car and pulled out.

_That day, at lunchtime..._

"Well, it's about lunch anyway, so I'm going to eat. Come back with your problems in an hour." He limped out of the clinic, glaring at Cuddy as he passed. She barely hid her grin.

"Dr. House! Where do you think you're going?"

"Actually, I'm going to eat lunch, unless you're afraid that'll cut into my time, too?" Turning, he gave her a cold stare.

"No, go ahead. But I want you back here in twenty minutes flat!"

"What? Aww, come on, that's not fair! I've been prescribing pills for the past four hours, the least you can do is give me an hour off," he complained.

"Forty minutes."

"Thirty."

"Forty or twenty!" House gave up, flinging his hands up in despair, as he walked off to his office.

As he arrived, he almost thought he had walked into the wrong office. It looked like a tornado had gone through! "Oh my God, What in the..." He was at a loss. Exactly two minutes later...

"What the hell? Oh, no. Oh, no, not here, not now..." A trail of miniscule paw prints led through his (half-eaten) lunch, across his deck, onto his keyboard, and he could guess the rest.

Just then Cameron came in. "What do you mean? Just because I took a call in your office, you assume that I -" she broke off.

He was sitting there in front of his computer, his head in his hands. She caught a glimpse of something white and orange behind him. "Dr. House? I think I know the culprit."

_A/N: Thanks for reading this, I will acknowledge reviewers. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"What?" He looked up, hoping against hope that she hadn't found what he thought she had. Guess the fates were conspiring…

"This isn't… yours, is it?" She barely held back a smirk, figuring that the indignity of it all would be enough. _I wonder who could possibly hate him enough to leave a kitten in his office? Chase? Maybe…_

What he meant to say:

"You idiot! This is supposed to be a sterile environment! Get that fur-ball out of my office before I decapitate it!"

What he actually said:

"Well… not really… I mean, you don't… No! Stop looking at me like that! Dr, do you really think that's mine?"

The futility of the obvious lie was exposed as Psycho jumped out of Cameron's arms and onto his shoulder, twining about his body, purring.

"Yeah. I can really tell you've never seen it before in your life," she stated blandly. "You might want to at least think of a plausible excuse for having it in your office."

He glared at her. For once, the infamous Gregory House was rendered speechless. This rare silence was emphasized by the arrival of Dr. Wilson.

"Hey, Greg! How's it… Oh my God. What have you done?" _What the f… He wasn't supposed to bring it here! This is a sterile environment! _Greg, what were you thinking? You can't bring freaking pets into a hospital!

"But of course, Dr. Wilson! I just couldn't bear to be parted from my dear kitty for another second!" House rolled his eyes. "You idiot, do you think this fur-ball is actually mine?"

Cameron laughed aloud. Seeing the murder written all over his face, she quickly stifled her laughter. "Well, tell him," she grinned, "Tell him all about the cat… how it couldn't possibly be yours, considering that there's no cat hair on your clothes."

_Is she really outdoing me at sarcasm?_

"Oh, wait! That's right, there _is_ cat hair on your clothes!" She smirked at him, and he glared right back. Wilson just looked incredulously from one to the other.

"Am I… missing something, here?"

House snapped out of it first, picking up the kitten and holding it still. "No! Just help me figure out how to get this thing out of here!" Cameron grinned at him.

"I've got an idea." She held open his bag, putting Psycho into it with the remainder of his lunch. "Now, just take it out to your car, and no one will ever know the difference."

Nodding, Wilson zipped up the bag. "Get going, before Cutty shows up!"

House gave Cameron a look as he left the office, before turning away, walking briskly towards the parking lot.

_Did he just look… grateful? Nah, that's just definitely not his style. Funny, though…_

Wilson picked up the yo-yo off of the ground, putting it back into the top left drawer. "Put all the weird little toys in here," he told her. "The books go back on the shelf, in alphabetical order, and the paperwork… just stack that on the desk. He can sort it out later."

She smiled, picking up a game-boy. "I had no idea he had so many." Wilson laughed at her expression.

"He's like that, Dr. Cameron. Things like this – they just help him think. He's got to be one of the hospital's most brilliant minds, but –"

"If you tried to force him to be like all the others he'd suffocate," she finished. "I know. He's definitely not the average doctor, and Cutty knows that. That's probably why she gives him so much leeway."

Wilson smiled wistfully. He knew that that was only part of the reason, but it was House's decision to tell her, not his.

"You know, talking about others behind their back is always a sign of a small mind," Cutty intoned from the door. "Wow. He didn't bring it, did he?" She looked questioningly at Wilson. "He knows better than that!"

Wilson sighed. "Yes. Apparently he had no idea it was in his bag when he left. Of course, it did trash his office, as you can see, so karma was at work."

She laughed. "Well, he's probably pretty upset right now, but that's no excuse to skip clinic. When he comes back, tell him to get down to the walk-in, pronto."

Cameron nodded. "Will do, Dr. Cutty."


End file.
